Lady Knight Mary Sue
by Lady of the Wolves
Summary: An attack of the Mary Sue stories in this section. Do you hate those perfect self-insertion fics where the main character ALWAYS saves the day? Heh. Heh heh. Then this is for you...please R/R.
1. The Attack Of The Mary Sue

Lady Knight Mary Sue  
  
  
  
Dedicated to Lady Terayn  
  
  
What is a "Mary Sue," you ask? Let me explain: a "Mary Sue" is a self-insertion character (and if you make up characters in your stories like this, it's the same thing) who is, by other authors' definition, the love interest/relative of a main character and who is perfect (example: smart, beautiful, a runaway royal from another faraway land, a GREAT fighter, etc.).   
  
I don't like them.  
  
And yes, I'm glad to say that there aren't TOO many Mary Sues in this section, but I have seen them. You can identify them too!  
  
I think that most of us can say that we dislike Mary Sues. It is human nature to want to be perfect, and to want a character that's perfect, but people just ARE NOT perfect!  
  
  
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One day, all of the squires and pages of Tortall were relaxing in the stables and talking about life and what they wanted to do, when Lord Wyldon came into the room to introduce Mary Sue. She was really a princess from a faraway land, but she never told anyone. Mary Sue, according to Lord Wyldon, (who never liked any girls except this one because she is just so COOL), has decided to become a knight. But since this is MARY SUE we're talking about, and since she is already such a great fighter because she trained in her "village" (really her kingdom-she's a princess), she is going to start off as a squire. Oh, and she's also a Shang warrior.  
  
Kel, Neal, Cleon, and every other main character all really, REALLY want to be Mary Sue's friend. Since she is so shy, and modest, she allows these people to be her friends right away, a truly great honor.  
  
Mary Sue has long, shining black/sparkling, golden blonde hair that falls down to her waist, and big, beautiful purple/blue/green eyes that change according to what SUPER AWESOME fashionable outfit she's wearing. She is really thin although she eats normally.  
  
Right away, everyone JUST LOVES Mary Sue. She helps all of the characters with fighting and knight preparation stuff. She is the BEST fighter and rider and archer and she just HATES to wear dresses, although she looks totally great in one. Mary Sue can even beat Lord Wyldon, just because she's so, so SPECIAL.  
  
Anyway, Cleon, Neal, and Roald, along with every other male squire, are immediately attracted to Mary Sue and fall DEEPLY in love with her. Kel doesn't mind because Mary Sue is her BEST friend who has helped her a million times before.  
  
Did I mention how talented Mary Sue is? She has an INCREDIBLE voice and can play ANY instrument. Her horse is the BEST horse and will only let Mary Sue and her friends touch him. He's part unicorn/Pegasus and is jet black.  
  
Also, as time passes, Mary Sue tells her friends about her tragic past. Her mother and father have died and even though it's not her fault, she feels so BAD because it, you know, COULD HAVE BEEN prevented.  
  
Mary Sue has super magic abilities. She amazes Numair with her Gift, which is more powerful then ANYONE's, including his, and her wild magic, which lets her transform into anything.  
  
Mary Sue meets Alanna. Alanna knows right away that Mary Sue is super special and says that Mary Sue is like a daughter to her. Mary Sue saves her life.   
  
Also, since Mary Sue is so kind and caring, she brings fighting characters back together and saves their relationship, not to mention the world.  
  
All's going well until Mary Sue's EVIL uncle from her super RICH, BEAUTIFUL country shows up and declares war on Tortall. King Jonathan begs Mary Sue to use her magical abilities and fighting to help Tortall win, which she does modestly.  
  
But then, Mary Sue gets kidnapped! Roald is going mad with grief and sends his father's armies to look for her everywhere. But Mary Sue is okay, being able to live off of the land because she raised herself since she was two in a forest with her SUPER MAGICAL forest animal friends.  
  
Mary Sue comes back to the palace and faints in Roald's/Neal's/Cleon's arms. She is rushed to the healing wing and JUST BARELY survives. When she opens her BEAUTIFUL eyes, she smiles at Cleon/Neal/Roald, who kisses her.  
  
Then, Mary Sue tells everyone her real past. They are shocked. Mary Sue tells them that she will understand if they never want to talk to her because she lied, and Mary Sue NEVER, EVER lies. A single tear falls down her cheek.  
  
Then Mary Sue becomes a knight anyway, because King Jonathan says that she can, and all of her friends still love her. So then like all of the characters propose to her, because of how COOL she is, being Mary Sue.  
  
And then everyone is SHOCKED because the Goddess comes forward, saying that she is Mary Sue's mother. So that makes Mary Sue a goddess! Which she already was, anyway. So Mary Sue is given the choice to go and be a SUPER POWERFUL goddess, to be a princess, or to stay with her Tortallan friends.  
  
What does she choose? You'll soon see in an ending that you NEVER EVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED!!!  
  
Mary Sue stays....but she can't marry anyone because she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, being SUPER CARING and all. So Cleon/Neal/Roald are all like, SUPER HEARTBROKEN and they vow to love her anyway....forever.  
  
  
THE END....or is it?  
  
  
Made you sick, right? THINK ABOUT THIS when you write stupid Mary Sue fics like this. And no offense to everyone who writes like that.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Tamora Pierce, except for Mary Sue. 


	2. The Dreadful Return of Mary Sue

The Dreaded Return of.......  
  
Lady Knight Mary Sue!  
  
  
  
Still Dedicated to Lady Terayn  
  
  
Some people who shall remain nameless are really getting worked up here! This is a FUNNY story about a serious Mary Sue. I am NOT trying to say that everyone writes like this whenever they make up a character in their story! Now anyway, here is more about Mary Sue!  
  
Shall we review the definition? Ahem. According to The Official Dictionary of Fanfiction.net Terms, a "Mary Sue" is a character created by the author/a self-insertion character who is, how shall I say this, PERFECT. For example, she's a princess, a relative/love interest of a main character, a sad, angsty, beautiful person who everyone just adores.  
  
I don't like Mary Sues any more than I did when I wrote Chapter One, okay?! Please stop writing them, O people out there who do!  
  
Everyone says that they just ABHOR old Mary Sue, but sometimes even those people write them! I'm proud to say that I have never created a perfect character for a story, with the exception of Anita Life/Clue/Job/Hobby/Drink from "You Can't Win!" And to a certain someone who reviewed, shall I say....well, EXCUUUUUSE me! Don't tell me how to write and I won't tell you what to think!  
  
Anywho, with all that in mind, let's again journey to the awful world of Mary Sue....we can't forget the sequel to the SUPER FABULOUS first chapter.  
  
  
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About a year after everyone's favorite Lady Knight, the SUPER COOL Mary Sue, became a knight and set off into the world to do like, knightly stuff, she returned to the palace in Corus, Tortall.  
  
King Jonathan held a HUGE celebration and hosted many balls to celebrate Mary Sue's return. Everyone in the kingdom was super happy and thrilled to have her back. Mary Sue, being SUPER modest and kind, just blushed and thanked everyone SO, SO much.  
  
Neal, Cleon, Roald, Dom, and every other main male character just think that Mary Sue is so, so cool. They all immediately fall in love with her but don't tell her, even though she knows cause Mary Sue has SUPER MAGICAL mind reading abilities.   
  
Mary Sue's long, silvery blonde/shining black hair looks great in any style. Her eyes are bright blue/green/purple/silver/gold and change depending on how she feels. Mary Sue is always nice and kind to everyone, though inside she's very depressed.  
  
Kel is delighted to have her best friend back, and Mary Sue gives Kel a million gold nobles as a present because Mary Sue is SUPER rich, being a magic princess from a faraway land.  
  
Daine, Mary Sue's other best friend, can sense that something is wrong. When Daine tries to talk to Mary Sue, the poor Lady Knight pours out her sorrows. You see, Mary Sue never knew her father, although her mother was the most powerful Goddess in all the land. Mary Sue's one wish is to be reunited with, or to at least know her father.  
  
Alanna, another one of Mary Sue's best friends, wants to adopt Mary Sue. But Mary Sue is too kind and selfless, and says that she doesn't want to impose on such a great friend.  
  
So anyway, Mary Sue stays at the palace to help all the training squires and pages, since she is such a FANTASTIC teacher. Jonathan begs her to stay and replace Wyldon, but NO, Mary Sue would NEVER, EVER replace her IDOL, Lord Wyldon.   
  
All of the new pages and squires think that Mary Sue is DA BOMB. They all love her and want her to stay and train them, but Mary Sue knows that it's not such a good idea.  
  
Anyway, Cleon/Neal/Roald and all of Mary Sue's male friends find out what's bothering Mary Sue, and decide help her. But Mary Sue doesn't want to bother them and she doesn't want to take time out of their lives for her, being so WONDERFUL and kind, as always.  
  
Meanwhile, trouble is brewing. This MONDOLLY EVIL country is planning to attack Tortall. Mary Sue can sense it with her magic mind powers and with help from her animal friends. She doesn't want Tortall to have to go to war, being so, SO THOUGHTFUL and all.  
  
Tales of Mary Sue's INCREDIBLE adventures have spread throughout the entire world. She has a million SUPER AWESOME nicknames like the Unicorn, the Angel, the Wolf  
and the Tiger, all with varying adjectives.  
  
So anyway, Mary Sue packs up her stuff and prepares to leave on her secret journey. But a bunch of her friends find out and really want to go with her, after she explains. No one wants Mary Sue to get hurt!   
  
So Kel, Neal, Cleon, Roald, Daine, and Alanna go with Mary Sue to stop this HORRIBLE evil that will soon plague Tortall. Facing many dangers, Mary Sue MAGICALLY leads them to this SUPER SCARY big castle where the horrible evil waits.  
  
Mary Sue can feel that something is wrong and warns everyone to stay in hiding while she, being MONDOLLY BRAVE and FEARLESS, goes to check it out. Creeping along, she climbs up a castle wall with her super magical flying/hovering ability and hears a conversation.  
  
But then something HORRIBLE AND TERRIBLE BEYOND COMPREHENSION happens!!! Mary Sue gets captured!  
  
Daine, Alanna, Kel, Neal, Cleon, and Roald are furious and terrified. Whatever will they do without Mary Sue? Everyone is SUPER depressed and they all wish that Mary Sue was safe with them.  
  
Back in the castle, Mary Sue was taken before the dark master of the castle, who, after gasping when seeing her, orders her to be taken to the dungeon. But being so TOTALLY clever and all, Mary Sue, after waiting for the guard to fall asleep, she escapes by a number of ways impossible for anyone else to use except for her, because we're talking about MARY SUE here!  
  
Mary Sue turns herself invisible and explores the castle. She hears a lot of important stuff and befriends all of the dogs and cats and other creatures there.  
  
Back outside, the others have decided that they can't live without Mary Sue, their mentor and best friend, and in the case of the males, their true love. So maddened with grief from the fear that she has been murdered, they attack the castle and are captured themselves and thrown in the dungeons.   
  
The SUPER COOL Mary Sue sneaks back to the dungeon and rescues all of her friends, who are all SO, SO happy to learn that Mary Sue is fine. She comes up with this totally IMPRESSIVE plan and they all like it.  
  
Two nights later, Mary Sue and the others attack the dark master of the castle. Mary Sue saves everyone's life at least once, whirling through the battle effortlessly. Finally, she has the dark master in a headlock and all of his servants are lying on the ground in pain.  
  
Then the dark master begs Mary Sue to spare his life. When she asks why, he reveals that HE IS HER FATHER! IS THAT NOT TOTALLY ORIGINAL AND UNEXPECTED?!?!  
  
Mary Sue spares his life and they hug. Her father tells her all about how she was stolen from him when she was young and then he was exiled by her evil uncle. Her father turned bad because he was maddened with grief over the loss of his UNBELIEVABLE daughter.  
  
So Mary Sue, her friends, and her father go back to Tortall. Everyone is so, SO HAPPY and King Jonathan throws another huge festival in her honor.  
  
But then, to everyone's horror, Mary Sue is accidentally shot by an arrow that was aimed for her father when she dived in front of him to save him. Everyone is SO, SO scared because Mary Sue is very hurt.  
  
But then, she MIRACULOUSLY recovers and goes back to her land with her father. Everyone is very upset, but she promises to return...she waves to them as she rides off, looking beautiful in the sunset. All of her male friends sob uncontrollably and beg her to stay.  
  
THE END....for now..... 


End file.
